The liberating power of seeing ourselves as parts.
In my own journey of personal development, one insight stands out above all others:
I am not a single, unified self, but rather a collection of parts—each with its own voice, needs, and fears.
I am not my anger, my anxiety, or my insecurity. I have many parts, and each has a role to play in my emotional ecosystem. The more I understand this and use this in my own personal growth, the less overwhelmed I have been by singular emotions or thoughts.
This shift in perspective has increased my ability to engage with the world from my core: the compassionate, calm, and centred self that can observe and engage with our parts without judgment. This core self is not a part but a harmonious centre that can lead and heal other parts. Through this lens, conflicts become dialogues, and self-criticism transforms into self-compassion.
Understanding “Parts Work”
Parts work, a central concept in Deep Process Psychotherapy, Shadow Work and Internal Family Systems, invites us to see ourselves as composed of different parts.
Some parts might be protective, trying to shield us from pain, while others may carry the burdens of past wounds. These parts, whether they’re angry, fearful, or hurt, often operate in opposition, creating inner conflict. However, by seeing these parts clearly, we can heal and integrate them.
Instead of rejecting uncomfortable feelings, parts work encourages us to listen to these parts with compassion. For example, an inner critic, which can be harsh and unforgiving, often protects a wounded part of us from rejection or failure. Through therapeutic processes in which we speak from these parts rather than about them, we learn to appreciate the intentions behind each part, even if the method they use isn't always helpful.
Shadow work—rooted in Carl Jung’s psychology—deals with the parts of ourselves that we’ve rejected or denied, often out of shame or fear. These “shadow” parts get buried in the unconscious, influencing our behaviour without us realising it.
When we engage in shadow work, we bring these hidden parts into the light. Instead of feeling trapped by guilt or self-judgment, we learn to accept and even value these parts as natural and human. By doing so, we can reclaim the energy we’ve spent suppressing them, which leads to a profound sense of freedom.
Parts don't go away just because we ignore them.
Sometimes, we have parts of ourselves that create pain and suffering for ourselves and others. It can be tempting to ignore or silence these parts or just plain pretend they're not there. Doing so, however, can lead to more suffering down the track as these ignored parts start acting out. We sometimes refer to this as these parts "coming out sideways," causing harm to the people around us.
Engaging with these parts, trusting that they have a positive intent for us, and hearing what they have to say means that we can be much more in control of how their energy shows up in our lives.
And there is usually gold hidden in the parts we deny. In fact, according to Jung, "the shadow is 90% pure gold".
Additionally, just seeing that these are parts of ourselves can lessen the feelings of guilt and shame that can be exacerbated by "singular self" stories such as "I'm just a bad person" or "If people really knew me, they wouldn't like me".
Seeing ourselves as parts helps us to be more accepting of others.
If we are made up of many complex and sometimes difficult to accept parts, guess what? Others are, too. Understanding this can help us have more compassion and understanding of what is going on for other people, especially if they act in ways we find hard to understand. This doesn't mean we have to accept behaviours that cross our boundaries, but it can help us understand what's happening and treat others with more generosity and compassion.
Recognising ourselves as a collection of parts offers a path to self-acceptance and healing. Rather than being at the mercy of inner conflict, we can learn to lead from our core Self, creating harmony and a greater sense of inner freedom.
Through the lens of parts work and shadow work, we are reminded that all parts of us, no matter how uncomfortable, deserve attention and love.